


Ecdysis

by storry_eyed



Category: Star Wars - All Media Types, Star Wars Episode VII: The Force Awakens (2015)
Genre: Gen
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-15
Updated: 2017-04-15
Packaged: 2018-10-19 08:12:25
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 832
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10635855
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/storry_eyed/pseuds/storry_eyed
Summary: The idea occurred to him slowly, trickling into a brain that seemed to be working more simply by the minute. He’d been taught survival tactics, of course, he’d just never quite had the chance to put them into practice before. Despite all that, the first movement was involuntary.Finn sheds his armor.





	

It was hot.

He had never been in a place that felt so scorched. The sun shone down relentlessly, beating against the whole of his body. They’d been told that Stormtrooper armor was the best for all conditions, but clearly no one had ever been to this planet in the heat of day before. His entire body felt like it was being slowly roasted.

The idea occurred to him slowly, trickling into a brain that seemed to be working more simply by the minute. He’d been taught survival tactics, of course, he’d just never quite had the chance to put them into practice before. Find water. Failing that, find shelter. Failing that, find shade. Failing those, reduce heat. Keep moving. Clearly, he couldn’t turn off the sun, so what else could he do? Really, when you thought about it, his actions made sense.

Despite all that, the first movement was involuntary. 

As he trudged along, clutching Poe’s jacket in one hand like a lifeline, he reached up with his other hand and flicked loose the armor on one arm. It was quick work to pull it off, and then he couldn’t help a gasp of relief as air - boiling, to be sure, but still air - actually created goosebumps on his sweat-soaked skin, even beneath the fabric of his shirt. 

And then he froze, stupefied, with Poe’s jacket in one hand and a piece of his stormtrooper armor in the other, and even though he had already broken a prisoner out of jail and run away with him to a planet and so is most certainly no longer welcome in the First Order, except as a prisoner himself, even though there’s absolutely no going back for him, somehow this still feels like the moment of choosing.

He could put the armor back on, and drop the jacket, and pretend like he lost his helmet, and walk to the nearest town, and be treated as a Stormtrooper. He’d have water. He’d have shelter. He’d be safe. He’d want for nothing.

His eyes slid of their own accord to the jacket, and for the first time in a long time, he let himself realize again the crushing loneliness that came with life as a Stormtrooper, the loneliness that he was so good at ignoring because otherwise he never would have made it this long. And for the first time ever, he realized that when he was with Poe, for those few golden minutes, the loneliness had faded away. Perhaps, if that is the option he chooses now, he would be able to experience that again. The feeling of connection he has never had in his entire life. 

Perhaps, he reflected, that’s why life as a Stormtrooper was so very lonely. Because perhaps the First Order fears that one taste, no matter how small, of communion with even one other person would shatter their ranks entirely.

Of course, there is the very real chance that he would never have that feeling again either way. But with one way was the positive possibility. With the other way lay the negative certainty. 

Besides, FN2187 - Finn, he reminded himself, he is Finn now - had already lost his helmet. One piece of his armor was already gone. How hard could it be to lose the second?

His eyes skipped back to the armor he still clutched in his hand. He did not know how long he stood there, waiting for the courage to come to him. His first act of rebellion had been one of desperation. This one must be one of deliberation. 

His fingers flex, and the armor falls to the sand. 

Each piece became easier than the last. Eventually he began to walk again. His steps were not uniform, for in the shifting sand dunes, they lurch and stumble. As he made his way, he dropped each piece to the ground. After awhile, he stopped glancing back and glancing down, and simply focused his eyes forward on the horizon, where he could see a dark shape slowly growing larger. 

Finally, he came to the last piece. Finn - I am Finn, I am Finn, I am Finn - dropped this as well. It landed with a satisfying thump, and then he turned back one last time to look. He could see many of the pieces, stretching back in a long, wavy line as far as his eye could see.

This had begun as a Stormtrooper survival tactic. It has ended as a snake shedding its skin: a new identity, a new life, the same person he knew he had always been underneath finally exposed. He is so much lighter now. He is still scorched, but now he stands with Poe’s jacket over his head, his new skin donned by choice, and feels the warmth as full of promise.

Finn is fairly sure that the shape is some kind of settlement. It seems to be pulling him closer, and, not one to argue with his own instincts, he quickens his step.

**Author's Note:**

> This is my first ever Star Wars fic. I have no clue if it's an idea that's been done before, but once this one caught me, I had to write it. Hope you enjoyed.


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